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Article about how to make friends in real life:
Can I sit here?” in class? Times sure have changed. Here’s how to make new friends as a young adult and keep the spark alive in your old friendships, too.


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How to Make New Friends (and Keep the Old) as a Young Adult. If James Taylor ruled the world, all we’d have to do is call and a BFF would appear on our doorstep. In reality, friendships are among the trickiest relationships out there. As hard as it may be to find romantic love, it’s arguably even more difficult to pick a new pal we really connect with or to keep in touch with buddies from the past. Twenty- and 30-somethings are among the most “social” people out there. With such an active presence on social media, they have constant opportunities to share the minutiae of their daily lives with hundreds or even thousands of people. Yet at the same time, there’s good reason to believe American adults are lonelier than ever. A study of more than 1,700 19- to 32-year-olds found that the most frequent social media users were also three times as likely to feel socially isolated. Primack BA, et al. (2017). Social media use and perceived social isolation among young adults in the U.S. DOI: 10.1016/j.amepre.2017.01.010. Plus, studies show that those virtual relationships aren’t nearly as satisfying as the in-person kind. Helliwell JF, et al. (2013). Comparing the happiness effects of real and on-line friends. DOI: 10.1371/journal.pone.0072754 Is it maybe time you put a little extra effort into some face-to-face friending? You might find your happiness quotient sliding up when you do. Forging new friendships or strengthening old ones isn’t always easy, so here are some tips that are more creative and practical than the old “just put yourself out there.” 1. Go on a friend date. Most of us have at least heard of the “blind date,” the idea of letting a friend play matchmaker and set us up with someone we’ve never met. If you’ve just moved to a new city, have a friend set you up on a totally platonic date with one of their friends who lives nearby. You’ll have less to lose if the potential match doesn’t work out. You can also download BumbleBFF and go on a kind-of-blind date. You’ll be able to see photos and basics about the other person before you meet. Ah, finally — someone else who likes funny dog videos and breakfast pizza! 2. Be authentic. It’s time to get super clear on what you love to do. Because when you pursue hobbies and activities you enjoy, you have a good chance of meeting people with similar interests. Check out that local lecture on modern literature or sign up for a sushi-making class. Each event is a chance to meet a whole roomful of like-minded buddies. You can also volunteer your time and talent with a nonprofit that resonates with you or download Meetup to find nearby folks with similar interests. And if you can’t find the group you want, why not start one? A little vulnerability could lead to lifelong connections. 3. Get up close and personal. Creating a close connection takes time. Two hundred hours, in fact, according to a 2018 study. Hall JA. (2018). How many hours does it take to make a new friend? DOI: 10.1177/0265407518761225. When you’re just starting to get to know someone, foster intimacy by talking about something deeper than the sucky weather. Gradually disclose something meaningful about yourself and see if your new friend will do the same. If you need fodder, each of you could answer the question “If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?” This technique will have you bonding in no time. 4. Be persistent. While not everyone has the courage to do it, most of us know how to pursue a crush. Swipe right. Send flowers to their office. Invite them to a concert of a band you know they’ll love. Ask them to check “yes” or “no” under the question “Will you go out with me?” on lined paper. Oh, wait… are we not in third grade anymore? Apply similar (but less romantic) tactics when pursuing a potential friend. For example, send the person an email asking them to lunch or coffee next week, and follow up afterward to say you had a good time and mention something specific that was funny or memorable. 5. Set a goal. It might sound superficial, but the next time you go to a party, tell yourself you want to leave with three new friends (or maybe just one). That way, you’ll be more open to meeting people and starting in-depth conversations instead of just smiling at the person ahead of you in line for the bathroom. 6. Say cheese. Seriously. We’re including smiling on this list because it’s a way more powerful tactic for making connections than you might believe. For one thing, smiling takes you out of your own head and makes you think more about the image you’re projecting. Plus, a 2015 study found that when creating new relationships, people are more responsive to positive emotions than to emotions like anger and sadness. That is, you’re more likely to connect with someone when you share a smiley moment than a grumpy one. Campos B, et al. (2015). Attuned to the positive? Awareness and responsiveness to others’ positive emotion experience and display. DOI: 10.1007/s11031-015-9494-x. So go on, show off those pearly whites. 7. Don’t take it personally. We pretty much know what it means when a romantic partner tells us, “It’s not you, it’s me.” But if you invite a new pal to coffee or a movie and they turn you down, don’t freak out. Maybe they really are busy with work. Maybe their family relationships already take up too much time. Consider that it really isn’t you after all. Perhaps you can take a rain check and try again in the future. 8. Think outside the box. It’s possible that up until now, all your friends have been 20-something women who work in fashion. But why limit yourself? Variety is the spice to life and all that. You could just as easily hit it off with someone 20 years older than you who works in finance. Be open to forming new relationships with co-workers, neighbors, and classmates, no matter how different from you they appear to be.













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